this was a recent conversation with God that i had......thought i'd let you eavesdrop fer a smidgen of it:

HelmRasier: Father there are so many areas of need in the world that i am seeing when i look around
God: Yup
So many things rise up in me.....some days i don't know what to do with them
That's not a bad thing
but the needs are so great and so all over the place, on every spectrum imaginable
...your point rach?...
sooooo.....i want to meet those needs
Good rach.....i'm really glad to hear that
No....not good
Yes it is good
but you don't understand the feelings I feel..
Oh really?....Do tell...*smirk*
i want to conquer the world.....that's how i feel when i see all of these needs
....This is bad how?....
Father....it's not logical...i mean i can't do everything. I am only human, i can't meet all those needs that i'm seeing
But i'm living in you am I not?
well yeah....
So what are you worrying about?
....uhhhh...my dreams are too BIG, too all over the place
I can work with big dreams
I'm afraid to dream big
Don't Be....I already told you I wouldn't leave you
i know...
So....it's all good then!....Don't be afraid to Dream BIG. It gets me excited! Just Remain willing to be used...Remain Available.
alright...i'll try and trust you...cheers
No Prob....

so i discovered some interesting things this weekend. for starters i am in bethany (a bible colledge just outside of saskatoon) participating in a soccer tournament. this is where i've realized a few things.
firstly: i really love sports. yup, being in any sport is seriously life giving to me.
secondly: i really hurt myself when i play sports.
thirdly: I have something in my knee called Osgood-Shlatter (pernouced Shlotter) Disease. it keeps me up at night the pain is so bad.
so needless to say, i am not going to go to provincials with the team. i could barely play today. we had two games yesterday and two today.
I'm exhausted and going to go cheer our boys team on.......ciao

it is definately one of those days where i feel like i have a whole crap load of stuff to say but i'm am fully bombarded with exhaustion. this is an element in my life that fully sucks. a good thing though is that i had my second theology exam and did so much better than i thought i would.
you see, we had that crazy weekend with all the youth here, and well the monday that we had schedualed for recovery was more of a take down day. anywho....i found out late in that monday that i had a theology quiz the next morning. theology isn't the sorta class that you barely study for and then do well in. you need to know your stuff or you won't get the grades. well the first exam i studied hardcore for and got a 74 percent. i was a smidgen crushed. this theology class i'm taking is a second year course. so that's what i chalked it up to be. the quizes are a bit tougher than the first time around
so my worry over this next exam was well placed. i had hardly any time to study and it is a bit of a harder exam. anyway. that monday before i was up till 2 am studying and wrote it the next morning. i was afraid to look at my mark when they were posted because i totally thought that i would do about the same or a bit worse. totally didn't
i pulled off, by the grace of God, a 96! yeah....i checked so many times in the day just to make sure it was my mark.....anyway.....i was excited. it's nice to do something well. it's a good feeling. anyway..... it put a smile on my face that day.....
i am gunna go now.
i hope to hear from you guys soon
i get to winnipeg in SOOOOO SOOON
i am very excited.
i found out that one of my friends from here is going to be working in the Peg this summer
i am very excited to hang with him this summer
anyway....check ya lata....ciao

i'm baaaaaaaaack....

5 days away from internet access is sorta tuff....maybe that is saying something that i don't want it to say. whatever. so the youth weekend that was on is now over and everyone is exhausted. i found out last night after clean up of the campus that i had a theology midterm today, this morning, and so was up till 2:30 am studying. i just finished writing it. i felt like i knew it. we'll see what the grade is as i get it back.

it's funny. i spent many hours playing paintball against my fellow students on 14 networked computers. there is nothing like it. now as i walk around the school i feel very wrong and naked b/c there is no paintball rifle in my hands. i stealthily round corners and am constantly looking for the other teams flag. i always am expecting someone to pop out of the many wonderful hidding places and get me and then i'll be out of the game for a minuet. last night we had to disconnect the network to set the room up for classes again. it was a sad night.

i discovered, that even before playing this game and awakening my desire to be a sniper, i often daydream what it would look like if this place was taken over and there were military giants everywhere. questions occupy my mind. where would i hide? what gun would i steal? how would i steal it? if they were holding someone hostage and said they would shoot them unless i dropped my gun, would i shoot? who? and where?

i am a truely odd bundle.......

i heard a wonderful quote the other day from a jewish rabbi.......it is as follows:

i only pray when i am in trouble......i am in trouble all the time