Saturday, April 26, 2003

so much to say, so much i always feel like i have to say and yet i never have the energy to write any of it down. ah well. what can ya do. my ma is here and that is wonderful. it's humourous. it's her class reunion this year and so since she got here last night she's been running into her classmates and so it's been a show off rachel fest.....everywhere we go and everyone we run into all i here as i put my smile on is "you were a foot off the ground when i last saw you" and "that can't be rachel, it can't she looks exactly like you Sandra! What a gorgeous daughter"'s funny to say the least.
tonight we had our last choir performance. it was great. it was a very long day. we had practice from 1:30 pm till 4:30 pm and then we ate supper at 5 and were back at the church at 6 and the performance was at 7. So i was pretty much on my feet from 1:30 this afternoon. my knee is revolting. it s me. it is creating so much pain and discomfort that i feel like taking a chain saw and cutting it off. but i won't. some people might not be too happy with me...especially the volleyball team next year. rats.
my mother leaves tomorrow's been really good to hang with her while she was done. totally thrilled. i love my ma.
i leave on sunday.....holy .....oops......sorry i didn't mean to get expletive on ya'll...........
i need to go pack....i'm beyond's only going to get worse until i get to winnipeg.....ahhhh
i get to see you guys soon!!!!!!

Thursday, April 24, 2003 was campus cleanup and i got to vacum the whole school.
this was totally fine with me because i don't mind vacuming at all.
to make this "sucking" experiancing more enjoyable i decided to listen to
'80's music.....
ahhh it was grand.....amazingly smashing.......
my mummy comes tonight....yipee!
i'm so exhausted.....ciao

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

i'm done....i'm done all of my courses and papers and exams that are involved in my first year here in Eston saskatchewan. tonight was a comissioning service where the staff and fauclty pray over all of us individually and i just finished getting prayed for and now i'm off to my room to pack because i leave very very soon.
my mother is coming tomorrow...i am so excited about that....that'll be so's been eight'll either be a teary greeting or a giddy one....either one i'm find with.....
well i need to go to my room to pack.....have a smashing evening and i'll catch ya'll on the flip side in...uhhh......4 days......*gasp* that excites me.

so i'm cleaning my room right, well not really cleaning but packing and that of course entails that i root through all my shit that has accumilated over these last 8 months. as i am rooting i discover things, long lost things that i either forgot i even brought here or didn't realize it was missing. one of these things overturned from the rooting was some gushings of my heart while at some different jobs in winnipeg around the summer before i came here to eston...i thought i would share them with you....they are a little on the rough side seeing as i wrote them while at work and haven't really looked at them since until forwarned....and judge my writing on what these are cuz they sorta suck......but it's a window into who i was and what was going on in my heart that summer.
This one was written during a shift at Domo
i have prostituted my heart time and time again,
i needed love;
i needed someone to hold me;
i was so desperate and discoraged that
i settled for cheap substitutes rather than
pursuing true satisfaction.
What couldn't i find your love?
Why couldn't I see it?
Where didn't I look?
Did i not bow down low enough?
Did i let to much creep in?
So here i am crouching low with my knees against my chest,
like a tide that draws in slow this fear is begining to overwhelm me.
I am begining to drown in this fear; a familar place it seems and once again
i am unaware of the next step that needs to be taken.
What if i take the wrong one?.....again.
i don't want to drift from His path anymore, inching deeper and deeper into this tide.
in the middle of this all....
i still know He's there; all senses are blind but i know He's there.
Terrified I reach out in this darkness with my hand shaking and
searching the sand…..
I know he’s near, I know it
He is the only one that can help.
I feel the confidence rising and I start to see that this fear
Is all bark and no bite…
I can fight this, I can overcome it
One too many times I lost sight of Him; one too many times I gave myself away
And now it’s so hard to plant my feet on something solid,
I feel as though my foundations are all slipping.
I believed the lies that were offered before me and I choose to dine at the wrong feast. But I see where I stepped off, so to that place I will once again try and return.
I feel as though He is smiling at me b/c I stepped out, not to move or better my position but because I stepped out in search of Him.

Monday, April 21, 2003

yesterday i had the blessing of an opportunity to feel like a 6 year old.
i went hunting around hansen anyone who knows my town that might sound funny to you but seriously, i went hunting for frogs, bull frogs.
I ended up with two leeches, some water beetles, one baby bull frog and two normal frogs, both young and feisty.
hansen lake is this lake in town and due to all the wonderful moisture and snow and rain we've had it has expanded quite a lot.
the bull frogs in it are so loud that we go to sleep hearing them. It makes me feel like we are camping or something.
it was a riot.
i got burnt as well yesterday....just fried up like a good ol' white
it was so gorgeous.....ahhhhhh......i absoloutley love it.
I am going to go right now because we have chapie and i'm tired and can't right....
my first exam is today....eeesh.....i'm outta this place in 6 days......partyhardy...

Sunday, April 20, 2003

i have seven days left's insain-o.
i have had such a wonderful weekend..... i have eaten incredably awesome food....
i feel like i have no right to eat anymore food after the blessing that the food has been
this weekend. man alive.
i spent the day in saskatoon yesterday. that was a blast. it was so nice to be in a city
with city lights and lots of people and lots of places.....ahhh it was a wonderful breath
of freash air. watched a couple movies, hung out at a friends place, in an actual house
with couches and family pictures on the was wonderul.

i was thinking as i was driving that the feilds around eston have been dry for so many years,
now we have lakes nearly in everyone, there is so much moister and that is so awesome.
now things are starting to turn green, starting to look freash, and new......and i remember these
feilds as i was a kid, green hills rolling for miles and miles, wheat dancing in the breeze,
ditches filled with water in which we would then go ditch sking behind pickup trucks.
I am thankful that i grew up in these beautiful saskatchewan prairies......they are so gorgeous.
i look forward to seeing then blossom.....

i gotta jet.....i have gratis to do.......
guess what?......I LEAVE IN 7 DAYS!!!!