Hi there my name is little bear and I'm trying to fix the captain's site. We're not sure what happened but I'm pretty sure that once I get home and have access to the template saved on my computer there, everything will be pretty again. In the mean time I've thrown up this lame template just so you could read the words. Nothing's worse, after all, than losing touch.

That said, I'm sorry Cap'n, that I can't do better tonight. This time tomorrow, all will be well.

Till then, farewell.

In three words I can sum up everything that I have learned about life. It goes on. –Robert Frost

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere...

some quotes to leave you all with...i will blog again when i get to eston.....

if you guys have not seen Bowling for Columbine I HIGHLY recomend it.
Micheal Moore is brilliant. I have gained so much respect for that man.

i have so many little things to pack.....it's very frustrating....hmmph.
well...i'd love to sit and waste what little time i have left and blog about nothing inperticular...
but i'd rather finish packing and then have the rest of the day to chill out.....
well.....
i'll miss this city, i'll miss my brothers and sisters in Christ here....
but i'll be back......
ciao.

i want to write but i can't find the words.
i want to express how i'm feeling but my emotions are too scattered.

i leave tomorrow...i feel like i have so much to do and I've run out of time to do them.
that is a very frustrating feeling.
tomorrow will most likely be a blog about this city, these friends and what i've learned and gained from this summer. Tonight is just too.....scattered to try and organize any of those thoughts.

I'm getting the feeling that this blog might need a greater purpouse.
I think my time of spilling my thoughts and my life has come to a close.
I mean...i'm starting to wonder if I need to start spilling in a particular direction; a topic.
...or something.....

This is just a genesis of a thought....
i dunno.....
i've always been bad at organizing my thoughts. So the thought of pitting them in one direction could be a good thing or an extremly dangerous thing. I guess we'll have to see.
one area that I've felt the need to tackle has been post-modern thinking/culture/living...and topics related therein. That's a big one though...so not sure where i would start....
there are others....they've just slipped and fallen in my slippery mind. I'll introduce you to them once they regain conciousness.

This blog seems to have had no purpose other than keeping my mind concious while i wait for my one roomie to make and eat food and my other one to get off the phone so that we can continue to watch "Bowling for Columbine" a movie i am greatly enjoying thus far..........
greatly enjoying......
have i mentioned that i greatly enjoy star trek? No?....i really enjoy star trek ;^)
i also really like......easy mac.....
and......Irn-Bru....
and......pool...
and......cats...
and......Bruce Lee..
and......Lisa Marie Presley...
and......oh...the movie has started up again....guess i'll go
ciao

i woke up this morning sad.
i was sad because i missed scotland.
i missed england.
i can't wait for the day that God lets me head back there...i'll be so giddy.

don't get me wrong. i am happy to be where i am, i'm happy that i'm canadian,
i know that i am supposed to be here right now and that is totally cool with me.
but something happened to and in me when i went over there in '97. i knew it then and i still know it now.
it wrecked me. my heart hasn't fully returned from there. and that's why i'm sad. because i feel like part of me belongs over there...part of me belongs in scotland, belongs in england.....

so that's why i woke up sad this morning...not an overwhelming sad...just that subtle nagging sad. that deep longing type of sad.

when i was a kid (wait..i still am a kid) kay....when i was younger (like from about 4 yrs old) i wanted to see the world. My family is well travelled and i guess just seeing things and seein' pictures and hearing stories gave me the bug. So when i was finally old enough and had the opportunity to get out of my "rachel bubble" and see the world....i became hopelessly addicted to the world. To countries and cultures, too languages (oooo i love languages), to people who didn't look like me and had different perspectives than me because b/c they live different lives than i did... i loved it....i couldn't get enough of it.

i had an incredable time over in england and scotland. Fell in love. so i expected a feeling of loss when i returned to north america. What i didn't expect was for that feeling to stick around 6 years later. i was thankful to return to canada, i really love this country and love being grown here....but i didn't feel completley like home anymore. that was a strange feeling to feel.

so this is where my thoughts have been all day....i've been downloading scottish music, looking at pictures...just feeding my nostolgia. ;^)
now i'm gunna go pack...again... i need to get on top of it... i leave in two days......oi
ciao

well i'm trying to change some things aroung....
i guess this is a start and will have to do.....

what'dya guys think?
opinions on what i should do regarding this blog look?
hmmmm
kay it's late..i'm fallin' asleep...
ciao

(i'm confident that it won't stay like this)

I FOUND A BAG!!!
I FOUND A BAG!!!

so i was stressed because i'm taking the greyhound to saskatchwan on friday and i needed to take my guitar and djembe with me. i would have too much luggage if i put them on separatly and so the logical conclusion was that i needed a bag to put them both in so i could count it as one peice of luggage.

I FOUND A BAG!!!

after i realized that a hocky bag wasn't going to fit both of the items i decided to head to army surpluss and see if they had an army duffel that would be big enough....THEY DID!

kay i'm a bit excited...my apologies. now i have my ticket, my bag, and tonight i'm gunna pack. i leave on friday. that has come much to fast for comfort. at least i'm leaving like at midnight so i have the whole day to hang with my roomies and just chill out....
i had the privilege to hang out with a wonderful lady from my church yesterday. We met at 1:30 and didn't finish till 6:30 pm....she even made me spagettii! lol
it was a great afternoon. i realized just how much the two of us are the same and when you meet someone like that it's always kinda neat. I remember when i first moved here there were two ladys in particular that i felt like it was imperative that i get to know better...one was one of the pastors who used to be here and the other was this lady i just had coffee with. Both have intercession and leadership all over them and i felt like God was saying to me that I held some of those qualities and that these women who were older and more experianced in life and in God than i was. i just felt like God wanted me to glean from these women.....and i am so thankful that i was able to get to know them a bit....so thankful.
this last year at school God really made me aware of how strongly i am drawn toward intercession and how much God has put it in my dna if you will. It sort of caught me off gaurd, i didn't really exect it.....i've always wanted to be one who's life is marked by prayer. but it still caught me off.....

this blog isn't really heading in any specific direction....
my apologies for that......
i'm gunna go try and pack......

i had a great begining for this blog today but during the process of signin' into blogger i some how let it slip away.
my mind is very slippery today.
much has been slipping through.

today i have been hideing. not physically but i have been hideing in the TV, watchin' things about different people or about made up people for the sole reason that i won't be stuck with my thoughts.

today was my last sunday at church. i didn't leave early and i didn't break down and cry however there was one moment where i almost did but i drop kicked the feeling and shoved it under the seat i was sitting on. it remained there but i have noticed that it must have caught our sent because as soon as i take a moment to dive away from the world the TV creates, i remember that it's sunday; i remember that i leave in 5 days; i rememeber all the things i need to get ready and organize before i go; i remember that i have no money and so many things that i have repsonsibilities to pay for....

in the midst of that, i remember the God i serve. I remember that He's faithful and hasn't let me down yet. I remember that He asks for faith. I remember that He is the ONLY one who knows every detail of every need i have right now and when i get to school. I remember that He loves me and i wish i could understand that better.
*sigh*
tears are creeping up on me b/c i appreciate the role that this city and these people have played in my life. This place really is a home for me and i trust that God knows my heart; knows how much i long to stay here; knows how much i treasure this place. So i'm sad to say goodbye again, this time being a bit different than last. Whe i left last time i was stubborn in thinking that i'd only be spending one year in eston. so when i left i was positive that i'd be back in 8 months time, so it made it a bit easier to leave. This time however i have no clue what next summer holds. Practically i need to make money so the obvious option is to go tree planting. So i guess we'll see what the future holds....God knows my heart.....

i think blogging kept me sain last year at school.
so all of you know i will be blogging just as regularly there as i have been here.
i have a feeling it will be one of the things that aids my sainity this year.

alright....guess i've lost steam in things i wanted to say.
my head hurts. i have a really bad headache.
i really want to watch the Lion King right now.
Little Bear and I are going to have to go rent it....
some kid a few summers ago stole my copy of it.....
i'm still mad about that......arg.
alright....ciao