i managed to complete another day by accomplishing nothing.
i passed a few more levels on 007 on PS2 today...
i'm bloody addicted to that game..it rules.

i am tired, church is tomorrow and i'm excited.
i'm excited because i just appreciate that community so much.
i seriously treasure the time that i've been able to spend here;
the time that i've been able to get to know these people.
They are so dear to my heart, they are my spiritual family,
my brothers and sisters, my friends and teachers.....

so in the thinking ahead to the leaving part of my summer,
i once again have those mixed emotions.
I know God is asking me to leave this place for now,
He asking me to be at the school,
to be in eston.
I'm cool with that; i'm excited about that,
but goodbyes are always hard. I don't know when i'll be able to return here, i pray it's soon.
I know that I have met people that i will NOT LET out of my life.
I will make extreme efforts to stay in touch, i don't want to miss out on friendships here.

but enough rambeling.....
i must be off.....

I know not where i wander. Methinks the most capricious zephyr hath more design than i. But lo: do not detain me. For i am resolved to quit this place forthwith. By my troth i am off........

i didn't go into work today to get my check like i had said earlier.
i opted rather for the stay at home, exert as little energy as possible route.
(i believe it's called route 22...not entirely sure though...)
it proved well.
i accomplished about 6 levels with Mr. Bond....James Bond, on PS2 today...that makes me feel happy....such a wonderful game.
(i hate the fact that i love guns so much, no wait i don't hate it....i just love guns.)

i ran into a lady tonight in StupidStore who is from my "past", or well at least played a role in my life that seems so far away. That time feels so far back...
I haven't seen her in about 2 and half years....so that alone does a lot to someone....but the role she played in my life that summer was one that altered the direction i was heading, rather she was part of the solution to a problematic area in my life. just as quickly as i had met her that summer, i was gone, God called me away and out....
so to run into this lady in a store so packed with people doing there own thing was just so odd.

We saw each other from about 4 feet away and stared very intently as the distance grew smaller. It was one of those moments where every other noise, every other face just suddenly dissapears and all you see is the face yer looking at and even then time is stuck in this surreal moment. Just as we were about too pass each other we both took the opportunity to say a very exagerated "i-know-you" sort of "hi..." and then just as quick and sudden as the moment approached........
it passed......
we kept walking.....she kept walking......
i snapped out of it and just stood still completely in shock. over and over again just saying to myself "no....that wasn't her was it?.....no.....couldn't have been....." but yet totally knowing that it was...i couldn't get over how weird and odd the situation was.
I was stuck suddenly because i didn't know if i should go and find her and talk or if I should just leave it. I mean there was definately a "moment" where i'm positive there was a level of recognition between us...i just wasn't sure if i wanted to pursue the moment or not.....
in my hesitation i missed the moment and little bear and i continued to shop. i was just stuck in that moment though. That moment where we just stared at each other.....

i did run into her later....as we were going to pay for our shite. i saw her out of the corner of my eye and once again was struck with the dilema of stopping and talking or just continuing to move on...she didn't stop staring at me until finally she's like "rachel?......"
thus we started talking...caught up on happenings a bit (not much really to catch up on) and it was just ....surreal .....there is no other word for it.
you know what it's like when you hear a song, or smell a smell and you are just taken back to a time in yer past that seems like so long ago and you really see just how much you have changed and grown, how far God has taken you. Well that is what it was like for me running into this lady, i was running into my "old self" and it was sooooo weird....
kay i've said that too much already..
i'm sure you've all gotten the picture of how weird it was....well maybe you have...maybe you haven't.....whatever....
i just can't get over how odd it was....i've lost all sense of vocabulary and therefore can not adequately explain how i feel about this unexpected "run in" with this lady......hmmmph.

on another side note -
today while talking to my mum on the phone we got on the topic of poetry and started to share different things that we had written. It was really cool. I mean i've always loved what my mom has written, she's an incredable writer. I wrote something one night in response to God's overwhelming me with His gentle, persistant, and consuming "realization". It was a moment where He disaplined me, convicted me, and showed me my ways in that honest, brutal truth. I was in tears, i was thankful that He cared enough about me to know my heart, to know my pain and He cared enough to be gentle even though the truth was so painful; so harsh.

What i wrote that night was something that i couldn't read for about two weeks. It was so honest, so vulnerable. During this converstation with my mother today i ended up reading her this "whatever it was" that had wrote that night. When i got off the phone i realized how odd that was. I mean, the fact that i was at a place in my relationship with her that i could read something that revealing about my heart....it was...shocking to me. So yeah.....
that's about all i have to say.....
i realize that it didn't really make much sense....
i watched star trek tonight.....
man star trek rocks.....
rocks my whole world.
i will always love star trek......

i have to go to my place of work today just to get my check.....
arg.....
this is a moment in time when i really hate working so far away from my house......
it's takes like 45 minuets at least to get down there....
oi...

It's because of the way i think....
that's why i'm having such a difficult time....
I mean there is just no other solution....

Oi!
Bloody Hell!
with an overexagerated, consuming and somewhat exhuasted, arg

Guess how many days i worked this week? Can't guess? alright...i tell you....TWO. A whopping TWO days....that's it. My check next week isn't even going to get around $80 bucks on it......*sigh*
I guess i just don't know what to do about it anymore....i mean it's not really my jobs fault....customers are cancelling becuase it's the summer and they are all heading out to the lakes. So as much as i want to be mad at them i just can't, there is no reason at all. So i am horribly frustrated....

In my mind summer is a time to have fun yes, but to make some money. I mean i am going to be in school for 8 more months and this time was, so i thought, to be a time of putting some cash away to hold me throughout the year....this is just becoming ridiculous. I just have no clue what to do....i mean first of all i'm totally going batty because i have all of this spare time on my hands, time that is very hard to spend well. I am so weak and just laze around like a sloth....maybe that's what God is trying to get through to me...teaching me how to spend my time properly......

It's just frustrating because i don't know what God wants.....
It is SO OBVIOUS that He is orchastrating this, whatever it is......
I can't deny that, even if i tried hard.......

anyway....i've very quickly run out of things to say....so now i am going to continue watching Star Trek, drink my powerade, eat my easy Mac.....and melt away into the evening........*whispers* chow......

well i am certainly shocked that i am going to say what i'm about to say....
i am proud of George.W.Bush....*shiver*
no really....
i came home and turned on CNN to see what misleading media i had missed during my day only to find that Bush made an offical statement and is not only pushing for but fully backing a Ferdal Law against same sex marragies; nation wide....so that individual states won't be able too have it legal.....
they opened the internet poll to see what peoples opinions were:

only 21% said yes they think there should be a federal law AGAINST same-sex marriages
and 79 % said no they DON'T think there should be a ferdal law....

I'm still in shock. I can't believe that they made a decision....I guess i'm just used to a government that doesn't really decide anything until last minuet or whatever.....anywho.......
they had a lady who was speaking in agreement with Bush and this gay man who was speaking against the statement....and it was such a funny debate....the guy was all about "the issue is love and we (gays and lesbians) should be able to express our love in the same way as others"
the lady was all about "no the issue isn't about love, it's about america realizing that this path won't stop with same sex marriages, but that anyone who thinks they are in love, friends for example, will start a family. It about honouring family and realizing the need for stable familes, 1 man and 1 woman....."

I was just like....am i hearing this? I can honestly say that I have never held this emotion towards America before in my life (that i remember anyway).....i just couldn't believe it; i still can't. Good for them....totally proud of them......(can't believe i said that.....bahahahahahah)

i have more to say but apparently i'm going to Steinbach with my roomie......
i will post again today.....probably
on a side note......i really love ACDC.......

well it's 6:06 in the morning and i am leaving for work.....arg
i wish i didn't hate going there....ah well......
to make matters worse....as soon as i sat up in bed i was stricken with the worse case of hikkcups that i've had in .... well ever....(i never get hikkcups.....)
i sure hope today goes fast.......
this is Ac1d Pl@gue signin' out......lol

The haxor handle of Rach is "Ac1d Pl@gue".

What's yours? Enter your name:

so i phoned my collage today to see the earliest i'd be able to stay in the dorms. turns out it won't be until the day before things start up for us leadership.
before school ended last year we were "debriefed" on what would happen during leadership training at the begining of this coming up school year. our Dean of Students loves anything army. He loves the discipline, the hard work, the chain of command etc and he is well known for establishing "boot camps" for leadership training. he told us last year that we were going to be doing some hard core "boot camp" things, such as a lot of running, push ups, etc...and we, as student leadership, were not looking forward to it at all. most of us have physical injuries anyway and were not looking forward to pushing out bodies physically to the limit...
so when i phoned today i learned that they, this week, have reworked the leadership training....this is SO EXCITING to hear....i wasn't told what would be happening instead, but now i'm quite curious as to the things they have planned.....

So i'm going to be in eston around the 23rd of august and am not allowed to stay overnight in the dorms until the 26th.......hmmmmm.....now i have to work something out.....we'll see.....

why am i always so bloody exhausted......arg......