Friday, June 20, 2003

i guess to be blunt i feel that my blog of this moment needs to be about my pursuit of God in my life.
to be honest i am not even sure where to start or what to say.
i feel annoyingly frustrated because i can't seem to chase Jesus has hard as my heart wants too.
i see so many things in my life that need to change, that i want to see change, that i desperately hope will someday change and as i try and do my best to bring that change as close as i can to happening i feel as though i'm trying to sprint under water. That's such a frustrating feeling.

i ran accross this little "thingy", here check it out....

Give yourself wholly to God,
then bolt the back door,
leave yourself no way out,
blow up your bridges and burn your boats
and above all,
accept no calls from the old rituals...

i find it funny that because of our sinful natures and our INTENSE desire to be anything BUT dependant on God,
we quite litterally have to do the above in the quote. We need to completely cut off all "back-up-plans"...
forget that you have a back door in case of emergencies and DAILY attempt to make Jesus your first and ONLY way escape.

This is the struggle that plays with my mind as i sit on the bus every morning at 7 am; as i head to a job that is cheating me money, as i work with people who constantly do as little work as possible and as slow as possible; as i sit and eat food that i really didn't want to spend money on; as i think about how intensely i long to travel, how i feel it is litterally eating away at my heart every time i see a picture in a magazine of another country and it's peoples, or backpackers and their gear.....

The question will always be,
how do i in this time and place practically give myself wholly to God?
how do i burn my bridges and lock my back door escape option?
how do i become the child of God that He has created me to be?
how do i crawl onto his lap and rest in His assurance that He has got me now and in my future?

how do you guys rest in Jesus? what works for you and your life? How do you soak in His love for you?

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

i had a bad day at work today....
man i hate those.....
it put me in such a bad mood.....
kay i'm out of it.....
i'm out of the bad mood....
it's done...
it's no longer.......

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

so today i can notch another peg on;
The Weird Things That Have happened to Rachel list.
I am putting this "peg" in the Ghost catagory that I seem to be building up on.

Now now....i am almost positive that i know what you people out there might already be starting to think. I realize that christians hold many different views on the subject, object, discussion, and reality of Ghosts. I want to make clear before i start this blog that i am not supporting any of those views.....teehee
all i am ever going to "recount" is the things that my own two eyes have seen...cuz that is all i have the authority to speak that's where this is coming from...just so ya'll know.

So if you people out there didn't know...i work for a maid service; we clean private homes. My team and I occasionally clean an area of town that is probably the oldest area that Winnipeg has to offer when it comes to housing.
So today we clean this house, it was very old, currently two elderly people were living in it, their children have grown and have children of their own, this house is HUGE. It's like a maze; a living model of old architecture. ( I am in love with architecture). With this specific house i was cleaning the washrooms; of which there were 4 (shower and bath in everyone; this means that it''l take around 2 hours....not a fun As a company when we clean we work from the top level down.
So i climb the creeky, long, wineding stairs, finally find one of the first washrooms, drop my bucket of cleaning supplies, and stand there looking at what i have to clean, figureing out where would be a good place to start. As my eyes scan the very few, strategically placed, hardly touched objects in this room i realize that i forgot something downstairs. I go to the top of the stairs case (which was on foot step away) and ask a fellow team member to bring me up the item. Turning around i head back into the washroom.

Upon entering, I notice that those very few objects i was just staring at have been moved. The Kleenex container which was on top of the toilet was now on the ground beside the toliet, it had not fallen. The soup dish with was on the left side of the water nosel on the sink was now in the shower (which was too my right) and the liquid soap pump which was on the right side of the water nosel on the sink was now on the edge of the tub. These items where obviously not in the places there were in when i was in the washroom 15 seconds ago, so i stand there not speaking; just stareing.

Confused i decide to ignore what i think just happened and decided instead to start cleaning the washroom; and clean it I did. Moving on at a good pace i finish the next washroom with no "inncedents". Upon reaching the third washroom I had once again started thinking about what had happened in the first washroom and i notice something that i'm feeling ( I sometimes have something like discernment when i walk into rooms, or talk to people, or whatever....i will just "feel" certain things....i was having one of those moments since i got in that house, but didn't realize that it wasn't me, until the third washroom...does that make sense?)

By this point in cleaning the house....i start to take extra notice where items are placed in the rooms that I am working in. I had not said anything to any of my team members at this point because i thought it to be retarded. YOu know....i am thinking that it's in my head....that maybe i did move them...etc....whatever....
My team leader was waxing the kitchen floor when i came down to get a cloth and she's doesn't even look up at me but says
TL - "Has she gottcha yet?"
me - "pardon?"
you know...the ghost....(she smiles)
( i just laughed....i thought for sure she's pullin' my chain, she moved the obejcts etc)
the Mrs. says it's her mother in -law...just a head's up...she might poke her head in

I walked away sorta feeling weird. My team leader doesn't reallly lie, and she has been working with this company for awhile and knows the houses and the customers very well. It was totally funny....

So i finished the washrooms without anything else happening; much to my relief. (i am a bit jumpy, especially in old houses. This house was lived in by the husbands parents, and the husband and his wife moved in when they were married...His parents died there, while they remained to raise their own children who have now moved on etc. Now they are in their 80's, i don't mean the kids are in their eighties..... The furniture is about 100 years old...when you walk in the house you feel as though you've stepped through a time warp back in's werid....really really weird.)

So yeah...that's my "fun"

maybe another time i'll recount my other experiances with "crazy ghosts"