books...books...books...
mmmmm

I just went and bought some books. I was just planning on getting two...*pffhhhshhh cha right* and as I walked into the store it just happened to be their closing sale. Naturally everything is on sale, most of the store is cleaned out, empty shelves...

I left the store with 5 books and a magazine....
mmmmmmmm...
I can't wait to start reading them.

Man this week as sped by...I have so much homework waiting for me when I get back to school....I'm trying to be excited..Seriously.

One thing that I used to do when I lived here in Winnipeg was go out with my friends. We would go to concerts and different things that would be happening in this city...there is always something happening here.

I discovered a lot of bands that I hadn't heard of. There is something amazingly unique when you go to a concert and you have no clue what to expect and it just so happens that you love their performance and in turn, usually love their music as well.

Placebo is just such a band for me. It was a night where I was tired...the guys in the band I used to play with had tickets, it was really late at night, and they literally forced me to go to this concert. Apparently someone dropped out and they had a free ticket available.

I really just wanted to stay home..veg out...ya know...the usual.

I remember walking into the venue. It was small and had that house "concert" feel to it. Like a group of friends getting together and just jamming. That was the feel. I loved it right away.

Being a musician and being in a band at the time, I really fell in love with playing music on stage infront of people. Being in that small room, watching an opener band do their thing (they were from Scotland) I just loved it....I was overwhelmed.

I remember when Placebo came on. The lead singer (the guy in the front, bottom left of the picture) pulls off this glam rock type of look and I hate that I find him hot. But when he was up there, singing, I was just like.....yeah....he's got it.

Placebo is from Britain. They have that British sound that I love so much. I thoroughly enjoyed their performance. It's nice to see a band perform without knowing their music. I think that stage performance is so important. I won't like a band if they can't cut it on stage.

I am listening to Placebo right now. I just found my CD. It is causing me to remember the whole "band" thing. The recording of our demo, our performances, playing at the Pony coral, practices, how it all started as three people loving music and getting together to jam and have fun.

It was so much fun at the beginning.

What is grief?
Why does it immobilize ones life so effectively?
Why do cultures deem it as so important? Even allowing years for people to grieve?
How do you grieve?
Why is it important?

Being here in Winnipeg this week has shown me that I am very sad.
I am not entirely sure where to walk next....so I'll just sit me-self down right here and wait.....

Hopefully these current changes will last a while. I realize that those are always my last words and then this page changes in less than a month....I mean hey...I can't help it if my mood changes all the time.....

The weather today was typical of the Canadian Prairies and I was, in a way, storm stayed in my friends house. My day consisted of PS2 and working on this blog, Lattes and Norah Jones (her new CD is excellent highly recommend the buying of it).

The end of this week is crazy busy but busy in a good way because it is going to involve connecting and hanging out with my friends here in the 'Peg that I haven't been able to see in a long while. I am looking forward to it, very much.

It's around Midnight and I guess I need to head to bed...not that I am expecting to sleep...I haven't been doing that lately...It's annoying when I can't sleep. Awe well.
I am off to put some Tomb Raider in the DVD player and fall asleep.
CiAo all.

I get this picture in my mind. His hand is resting on my shoulder and my back is turned to Him.
I know what He is finally asking. I don't want to acknowledge that I know.

Yet His hand is reassuring, peaceful. In the midst of my fear, my hurt and my anger I know He has control over the things I'm afraid to let go of.

I'm so tired. I'm sick of fighting. Sick of trying. I stand there, head down; weak.
There is nothing left to me but a small remnant of the person I used to be; could be.

I can't get over His presence. It's understanding, calming. In the midst of my weakness He stands.

I am realizing more and more that I have no clue what a Father is like; or supposed to be like. I am also realizing how much this reality in my life actually affects my relationship with God and how I view Him or relate to Him.

I don't know how to change that or let Him change it. I think right now It seems like it will never change. Just one of those things in my life that won't change till I'm in heaven.

Food....good.....*snore*

Phuong Nam, this place has some seriously good Vietnamese food. I'm talkin' curried chicken over noodles, spring rolls, mixed stir fry with deep fried noodles, veggies, meat, and seafood, salad rolls, steamed rice and the list continues.

For two hours we sat there and ate this amazing food....
Tonight was a good night.....*sigh*

Did I mention how AMAZING my two roommates are?!?
When my bus came in yesterday morning at about quarter to 6 am.....my roommates were waiting there for me at 5:30!
How incredible is that!

Big applaud everyone....big applaud! Cheers.