so for the last like 3 days it's been plus 5 and plus 6.

It's amazing.....no jackets, aboloutley incredable.............

i feel like the burden and the depression that comes with the winter is slowly ebbing away.....and i can take a breath again.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....kay i'm gunna go play a game.

*whispers* kay on the count of three we all need to shout a birthday wish to clarkie.....ready.... 1...2...3....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLARKIE

..........ahhhhhh.............

i just watched Sleepless in Seattle...........

what a wonderful movie............

i am going to watch You've Got Mail tomorrow hopefully.........

..............ahhhhhh...............

so i feel like shit. have been feeling like this for a good three days now. let me explain this horrible way i feel. all my emotions on the very edge of there existence. i constantly feel like i am going to ball. i almost do during every conversation, and during every class i have had. for someone who doesn't cry it's really annoying to all of a sudden start crying for NO REASON at all. then my patience is super super unnaturally low. that's tough. it's just like i'm totally emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually spent. i have no energy to have conversations or to be social to any degree. i don't want to show up to my classes, i want to do my assignments only so that i don't fail. i don't have the energy to put all that I have into them at all. it's such a horrible place to be in. i really like school. i really like learning. i like doing an assignment and letting it speak to me and teach me. but in this state i have such a hard time......such a hard time copeing....

it's like i'm a rubber band. for who knows how long i have been strechted to the point of almost breaking and now all of a sudden those things that almost were breaking me are not such a present issue (still there just not as present) and now i just see this picture of this over stretched, warped rubber band lieing on the floor crumpled and just warped. that's how i feel. it's like all of the things, emotions and thoughts and schtuff that i couldn't deal with because of situations and people have no suddenly flooded me. swamped me. this weekend is our reading break, i have two major papers due on monday when classes start up again...so i have lots of homework to do. but it's so difficult when i'm in the totally emotional reckage stage............

ARG-NESS......
just let me sleep....

being in this place makes me very thankful that God has separated me to prepare me. a major benifit of eston is the fact that it is in the middle of no where but that God really uses this time to do really deep things. it's really great. in a God way of course. but one of the crazy things is that as God is preparing me and continuing to warn me that there needs to be major preparation. he's just been constantly awakening all these desires and places that i want to go or things that I want to do.

it is starting to make me crazy.

anyway.....i will stop my rambeling. i played guitar tonight so my fingers are almost bleeding. I played really long (for chapel service and altar ministry time) and it was all these funky cords that are not normal so my fingers were all tender in those places. it was pain. and now typing is pain. life is pain. oooooo that was morbid.... i'm joking....life is pain but it's all good....i'm a happy painful person.

i got convinced to join the choir eh?......funny.
our reading break is this weekend.........ahhhhh i can't wait to do many assignments and have NO ONE here.

Well i got two things up and running........that's a bonus.......
littlebear.....contact me cuz i have a few questions on how you did all the pages with yer poetry and stuff on them.
chow...i've been on this computer for like 2 hours......guess i should go do some homework.

*yawn*.........

I GET TO GO HOME IN 6.5 WEEKS......helmraiser is happy

don't go to the writing section yet....there is nothing there.

well i guess you could go to the writing section and find out for yourself that there is nothing there.....

man do i feel ill.......*whew*

i am trying desperately to get this archives thing up and running as well as this whole writing collection web spot as well......hmmmm i dunno.....i may never work

so for most of my life i have never really been given an arena or oportunity to share my opinion or what i think. it is a strange thing then for me to get here and have God change me to the point where people ask for my opinion and what i think and not only that but to be at a place of security with Christ that i am okay in sharing those opinions and such. (this wasn't the case a year ago)

so i was asked to do an assigment. we were to read this extremly well written article, amazingly communicated article, on the christians surrender to secularism. that was the title. surrender to secularism. it was great. too much stuff so i'm not going to go into all the things it touched on. the point i'm trying to make is this. the assigment was we are to read this article and then write a six page paper on what we think about the article as well as the issue brought up in the article.

i discovered that, given the opportunity to voice the things i think are important, especially in an assingment, is a dangerous thing. i become black and white. no bull shitting around. no dancing around the bush. i realize that in life there are grey areas i am just sick of chrisitans not realizing the things that God has given to them. the authority, the saftey, the security, the love and acceptance that is ours as CHILDREN of the living God. instead we make excuses and "tolerate" things this culture is promoting.

i could on for a few nights about "tolerating" in the christian belief. i won't start. i could get excommunicated.

so i read this article, that i fully enjoyed mind you, and sat down to begin to type this paper. Not thinking that I could get it done tonight. i started to type and finished it in less than an hour. my opinions just flowed right out of me. i tried to be "grey" but i couldn't. i had to be black and white. as much as i hate confrontation i couldn't comprise the things i was saying or felt should be and need to be said.

anyway......i probably will get a crappy mark.....hey....maybe i should post that paper....might be interesting...could get a super interesting set of opinions on it.....i may do that.

.....so there is so much bouncing around in my head.......
.....so many things that i fell like i need to voice......


I am amazed that I can get the transcripts from the Nuremburg trials on the internet....that shouldn't amaze me though i guess......
back to homework i go.........