Saturday, August 16, 2003

it's 20 to 4 in the morning....
what am i doing up?

micheal jackson....
what an amazing musician.....

Today was my last day at my job that God has decided he wanted me to stay in this summer. I couldn't have been more pleased that today ended and I DO NOT HAVE TO GO BACK! hahahahahahahah

*sigh*..........bliss....shear bliss......

so this is going to post as a Saturday post when in fact it's still friday night because i havn't gone to bed yet....however i's 2:20 in the am......oi..... kay both of my beautiful roomies are fast asleep on the couches downstairs, the dog is sprawled out on the floor out cold as well......and I am going to post this and pack.....

i leave so soon........
still hard to believe.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

i have wanted to write a book since i was a small child.

i have to start writting my book.
i don't know why but it just became clear today while i was at work.
mind you i have no idea what i'm supposed to write that could prove to be an obstacle.
it was such a wierd feeling. i can't properly explain it.

i'm okay with this type of that blahblahblah type. i mean i'm just litterally talking. If any of you know me you probably have noticed that I write exactly like i talk...spelling mistakes and
when it comes to a concious expression of my thoughts or my heart in an ordered deliberate fashion i become fearful. I've always wanted the gift of storytelling. It is something that I will try and develop in my life.
i don't know how to "start".
i mean it's clear that God is telling me to start but i just don't know what that looks like.
maybe he's asking me just to start writing, i guess it will take shape.....

so you guys remember that cool christian girl that i met at work that just go hired? Well i found out today that she quit...and she quit before i could get any contact information. i was sad. i really wanted to keep in touch with her. ah well....i hope i cross paths with her again.

i'm's past my bed time and guess what.....
TOMORROW IS MY LAST DAY AT WORK!!! i can hardly believe
i need to buy a hockey bag before i leave....arg..i wonder where i could find a cheap one...anyone have any ideas where i could pick one up?

i leave in 8 days.....*sniff,sniff*.......
my last sunday here is comin' up....i might be a bawling wreck....i might have to sneak out early.....i dunno.

and this is the start to my day at ten to 6 in the morning.....
this is my heart.....
this is my goal.......

Am I fully prepared to allow God to grip me by His power and do a work in me that is truly worthy of Himself? Sanctification is not my idea of what I want God to do for me—sanctification is God’s idea of what He wants to do for me. But He has to get me into the state of mind and spirit where I will allow Him to sanctify me completely, whatever the cost.

- from Oswald Chambers

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 you now can see some changes have been made.

i needed a change on my site....this will do for now..i am still adding and subtracting things so developments will press on into the night...."boldly going (dramatic pause) where few dare to tread....." *cough* pardon me....

seein' as i am arriving a few days early at school i get the gift of time too myself, however the floorplan as it stands is unpacking.
Breaks are beautiful things and I am sure, given my short attention span, that i will get easily bored and will therefore require a break from unpackin' my stuff. my break will consist of redesigning my page.....hopefully i'll do an ace job and not an ill one.

Leaving bites.
Leaving stirs up too many things.
I think i'm pissed off.

My thoughts are slideing towards my memories here; my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and towards what this next year at school will hold. I am horrifically nervous about going back there.
God, as of late, has been pre-warning me that He's not going to let up on the hardcore changes in my life (not that i want him to) but honestly, we all like it when we have a time of ease and rest.
i think this year will have amazing greatness but unbearable pain too. Pain that results from earthly things in the life of the Captain being put to a complete and absolute death.
i want that.
My citizenship is in Heaven and I want to be prepared.
I want to look God in the face. I want to see His glory.
no matter the pain that comes my way i am learning complete confidence in my LORD....
and motto still stands with Him....


i have realized that i have quite a rutine when i arrive home from work.
i have been doin' this almost all summer. Well since i started working anyway.
I am the only one home usually when i get home. Little Bear works 9-5 and clarkie leaves around the time i get home, so....i am alone with the dog.

My after work hours begin with me turnin' off the house alarm, changing into something comfortable, grabbing a pop or iced tea (either will do just fine), making some easy mac (because at this point in the day i have not eaten yet), letting the dog outside, and heading down stairs to our entertainment pit whereupon i put the TV on channel 39 (space channel) and watch Star Trek Deep Space Nine followed by Star Trek Voyager. Then when that is done i put on cartoons until Little Bear arrives home, which is shortly after.

Today i realized this rutine and i realized that i had been doin' it for awhile. It actually made me smile. I can honestly say that one thing that bites about being in a school for 8 months with no cable or TV at all (other than news and the odd CFL games that the students can convince the staff to let us watch as well as the the grey cup of course) is that i will be unable to watch star trek. I have realized just how much i enjoy it.

well...i realized that my blogging birthday was back in june....i'm sick of my site....time for some changes....lets see what's out there that I feel does the job.....i have to write my own site....just have to......

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

today dawned with the realization that i leave in 10 days.
it was suddenly followed but an annoyingly deep pain.
i have to start packin' my things because i'm taking the bus and am only allowed a certain amount of luggage....soooo i need to organize and see how much luggage i'm gunna have, and what i need to leave behind. What i need to ask my roomates to send to me via bus......arg...i hate details. i started to pack i got as far as one bag and then got so horribly depressed at the though of only having one more sunday here and having to say goodbye to people...that i decided it was time for some good ol'fashioned escape.

I went and watched S.W.A.T.
now i went to this movie for a few reasons.
1. i love guns
2. Collin Ferrell is EXTREMLY hot
3. I love Michelle Rodrigez (everyone should see Blue Crush)
4. Sam Jackson was in it
5. i've always loved LL Cool J

that about sums it all up. i greatly enjoyed it. it was a wonderful action movie. no expletives that i can remember, no sex, just lots of guns.......*giggle*

so now i'm horribly tired....
my sun burn just hurts so bad...wearin' clothes proves to be a hard and painful ordeal....hopefully the pain will subside at work tomorrow.....three days left...i can't wait until i'm allowed to leave that place.

Monday, August 11, 2003

i am back from my weekend at St. Malo.
i'm totally happy that i went out there.
when the day came i was just dreading heading out there b/c
i was still feeling so ill and just didn't have any energy to pour
into the weekend, let alone the youth that were gunna be there.

all in all it was a great weekend. I got to play bass during the worship
which brought back so many memories of playin' with the band i was in.
it was really nice to hold a bass again..i always forget how much i love playin'
it until i hold one again. So that was nice.
i was also a lifeguard for the weekend while we were at the beach.
yesterday i just got boiled and am in extreme pain right now.
my shoulders; my's just all burned.......*sigh*

now that i'm back i feel as though time is just blastin' by me.
i have only three days left at my job
and that is both wonderously exciting and very weird that i'm actually
allowed to leave that place. I have to get the email addy of that christian
girl that just got hired, i really feel like we should keep in touch. Well it'd
be cool anyway.

on another extremly depressing and excited note...... i leave this city in
11 days. i just can't even believe it.
i only have one more sunday here. that's
i'll probably go to church, be fine, talk to people etc and then get home and
bawl. not looking forward to next sunday at all for that reason.

i am still ill. still have a migrane. still wishin' i knew how to fix that.
i think a large part of it is spiritual. that sort of scares me cuz then i
am wondering what part God is trying to fix next. well.....anyway.

i need to go put lotion on my burn......*owie....*