Friday, September 05, 2003

well what to say. So many words are struggeling to find their place in either my journal or on this blog, neither providing the space needed i guess. This year is going to be quite a ride i must say. I truely hope that I can stay here (even though everything in me wants to run away) I know God is good and I know that He has things in His hands, so i'm trying not to worry and trying not to freak out like i usually do in situations like these.

Our mini semester starts on monday and i am really excited. I don't know if i've mentioned it but i am taking a course called "Celtic Christianity" and It's really going to be quite an amazing course......the teacher that is teaching it is really so it's going to be an absolutley insain two weeks but well worth the work. i am excited. teehee

last night in chapel i was just overwhelmed with this helplessness that i feel. I mean i am in a leadership position, I have my own walk with Jesus to try and walk with integrity, and I have just other life responsibilities and obligations to adhere too. I just bawled b/c i felt that there was absolutley no way that i could carry it. I just can't. i can barely stay afloot in my own Journey with Jesus let alone anything else life throws at it was a good but frustating night.

I realized that I really do expect nothing but absolutle perfection from my life and that is something that has swamped me even before i begin the tasks infront of me. So i'm trying to learn not to hold such high unattainable expectations for myself, but i know this is a life process and I know that Jesus is my strength and hiding place when i'm weary and's just the learning how to run there that is what i have to get through my thick head.

So that is one of the many things that i think God is trying to deal with in me during these 8 months.....hmmmph....i hope i can make it through......;^)
I am waiting for someone to bring me back a cheeze burger from McDicks......i hope that they get here soon cuz i'm TIRED and want to go to BED!! Alright..i'm gunna go now....ciao

Thursday, September 04, 2003

now i know my site has looked like crap for the last little while.....i haven't had the time or energy to put into changing i'm hoping that this will provide i break from the "ugly" that has been previously residing on my page.......alright....i'm going now.....ciao

I guess on one hand it's good to know that God is starting early with the whole "point and remove" technique.
Let me explain:
You know those seasons where God just doesn't let you get away with anything? Where every thought, action, and word is critiqued and analized and then the question is posed......"are you gunna drop it and run to me? or are you going to continue to live in your sin?" oh my. ppfhhhhssshhh.
Clarkie....for your information i am serious in planning to return after christmas.....but i can't say right now if i will or all depends if i can tell God i'll give up everything. I mean of course I most definately WANT to be able to say that.....but when push comes to shove...i know myself all to well and i am fearful that i won't be able to say it.
i should's really early and I have to have a shower before the day starts up in full swing. It's picture day.....ooooooooo
i can hardly wait...i'm so exstatic.

Monday, September 01, 2003

it's really quite amazing what a few days without internet does to me. I mean i get paranoid, like i'm missing something really important and that really bites. was wednesday when i last updated. apologies to all of you out there that read this.
Wednesday was the begining of our student leadership training here at the (monday....THE FIRST AHHHCCCKKK!!!) is when most of the freshies and returning students arrive. Then this week is "orientation week" and then on next monday our Mini-semester i still have a bunch of time before school starts......all is good.

I have been so y exhausted during this leadership. We were all overjoyed to learn that they canned our initial training (which was to be a army style boot camp complete with the 2 mile runs and 200 pushups a day). However this week i have felt like I have been through that intensive kind of action. Or at least by the level of my exhaustion you would think i have been. The funny thing is that it's been like a "spiritual bootcamp" but it seems so confusing to me because we really haven't been doing that many planned "spiritual formation" sorta stuff.....ANYWAY.....the point of this rambeling is that I am HORRIBLY exhausted. like i have to take two naps during the course of my day because i just can't function, can't think, act, talk....nothing......oi.....

there is so much i want to say. I am actualy thinking of coming back to winnipeg after christmas.....we'll see......i dunno really. Maybe that's just me wanting to run from the things I feel like God is going to do this year in my life......i like to run...i'm comfortable running.....hmmmph......

I am really tired and have much to do......
i am going to go and i will most definately update more often....
i have no computer access during the weekends so i can't gaurentee when it'll all come to pass.....
but i'll be more faithful......
i miss you guys very much....
I love you loads....