well...now that i am finally on a computer that works it is a beautiful thing to try and write this post that i have been trying to write for about well the whole day. we have a computer that the monitor is all messed up, starts shaking all crazy like and you have to guess where the x button is and hope that it closes. so i would start updating and the screen would start shaking and i'd have to exit out because i couldn't read it. so i'm finally on a computer that works.
i have spent my evening eating great tacos, wonderful icecream, and watching two movies. all away from the school. it was a most excellent breakaway.
one movie totally fed my artistic side....made me long to create, something anything, both main characters (a mother and daughter) were amazing artists, the daughter sketched these incredable things and it made me realize that i still have a desire to sketch. I've never been able to sketch, always wanted to sketch....if i go to school, in hopes to beef up any small artistic side in me, it would be to learn how to sketch.
i love peoples faces, their elbows, their ears, their feet, their hands, especially their hands......i want to be able to have the skill to be able to sketch those things. i don't have that skill and it always bothers me.
i see all of these things in my head that just would be so wonderful to portray but i don't have the skill to get them out of my head yet....
it actually greives me.....
for example i have had this picture in my head that I just want to draw, paint, take a photograph of or something, anything.....but i can't, i don't have the skill because i need to sketch it, i don't have a camera or the people to take the picture of.....it's very very frustrating....i'm in a place where it's hard to be focused on your art that is going on inside your spirit when you need to be focused on your studies that are going on in your head.....
not that this is an all together bad thing but it's still very annoying.
I think most of my life i really tried to tell myself that i wasn't an "artist"....i was never crazy enough. I mean i've always held this sterio-typical view of an artist.
someone who is always late, dresses awesome and unique, doesn't care about opinions of others, stirs the pot...that sorta thing......
i have never been like that.....so when people started telling me i was artistic I was like "whatever!"
but now, i mean lately, God has really been showing me that even though i am logical, i'm totally crazy. He's showing me how much i relate to the arts; arts.
i feel like i am going to burst some days...i watch things on TV, see artists paint, draw, sculp, mold, dance, write, read poetry.....and something inside of me just goes insain, scraping and clawing like it's desperate......it's so strange........
i don't know how to calm it....
i don't know how to satisfy that hunger to create.......
so i watched this movie tonight and this thing in me was just freaking out.....I mean i just long to be a loner somewhere and create......locked up in some loft in some corner of a city, free to do my own thing........
but then i have this intense hunger to be with people, in the middle of their hurt; offering the hope that's been extened to me.....the hope of a new life, abundant life..... i don't want to be by myself......but i don't want to be with people.....
I am freaking walking oxymoron.........
this is the tension that is growing daily in me. the more i find out who i am in Christ, the more he shows me who's he's created me to be, my likes and dislikes, the things i'm drawn too.....the more i see that this tension is only going to get stronger.....so much stronger
this was intended to be a short post.......
guess i was wrong.........
yea i have no clue how to end this....so i'm just going to stop talking.

apparently i am worth: *drum roll please*
$1,707, 054.00
go check out Little Bear's site and you will know what i am talking about.

i am done....
i am giddy...
i have finished my last assignment and handed it in before lunch....
i can't believe it....insain-o
chapel was great this morning....a very powerful, beautiful, prophetic, obeidiant woman of God spoke....it was such a blessing.
No matter how many times i get the priviledge of hearing women of God speak, or share i just get SOOO excited. I can hardly keep it in somtimes. there is something so vital about seeing women up there speaking.
i have been given the gift of meeting women who aren't afraid to let God mold them and shape them and that is so amazing because it's then that God is able to speak all the more clearly and powerfully through them.
I feel so blessed in my life that i have been able to glean things from these women of God that i've crossed paths with. What a priviledge that i'm am allowed to see certain attributes, giftings, characteristics being lived out in the power and annointing of God.
yeah....
i'm done...i have three exams....that's it.....I have nothing to do this weekend but to enjoy the beautiful spring air.
what a crazy year this has been....God has taught me so much, shown me so much, and revealed to me more of my DNA, more of who he's made me to be. Some of it's unbelievable, frightening....in my head i go...there is no way i can be that....but i am b/c God has asked me to be......whew........i'll hold on to you Jesus, i trust that you have my future and and heart and all the ins and outs around them. Continually i will lay my life out before your feet as a living sacrifice.....i am yours Father......

i can hardly believe it....in only a few very short hours i will be done my very last assignment here at FGBI....like done. i am free this weekend, i have no stress....a particular stress has left for the weekend....and on top of it i don't have assignments to worry about. all that is left is three exams but this week coming up is FREE!!! i just have to study...that's it!!!
i don't think i can handle it....last night as i was falling asleep i started to worry about the days to come....and then it hit me.....i have nothing to do this weekend except to watch a movie or two, relax, and enjoy the beautiful spring air.....ahhhh
as well, my mother leaves africa today....like she's leaving...that's almost as surreal as it was when she left canada to go there...so she'll be in toronto on the 12 (Saturday) and then chilllin' in the states with her brother for about a week or so....and then hopefully i'll see her before i leave for winnipeg....i hope.
well i need to go...we have chapel right now...well soon anyway...talk to youse soon...arrividerciii

i want to go home.......
winnipeg yes.......
but i want to go home.....heaven...
I want to go home.

well....what a whirlwind of a weekend i have had....like holy cow. where to start.
i guess you guys were all aware of the snow blizzard that hit us. well it was the worst blizzard in 25 years to hit eston.
so we didn't end up leaving until friday morning....there was like 8 foot high snow drifts....insain-o
so we left...were doin' fine...thought the weekend was FINALLY going to start. 12 miles outside of hannah alberta,
(2 and a half hours from eston),
our bus breaks down.....the freaking engine busted....we were on the side of the road for 4 HOURS!....funniest thing.
we just played scum for those whole 4 hours. so our choir director phone a grey hound bus in hannah to come and get
us and take us back to eston....we were all very fine with that at this point. a little dissapointed that it wasn't going to work
but whatever...we were so tired and did not want to be in that bus any longer.
like 10 minuets later John (our choir director) tells us that the grey hound bus comig to get us is willing to take us to calgary.
So in about 25 minuets we had a redeemed choir weekend. we got into calgary that night and stayed with people we knew and then
Saturday Night we sang at the Mustard Seed, (someone got saved!!!) and then we drove out to High River and the church there totally
blessed us by finding billets for us all, feeding us, and letting us take both of their morning services....after they gave us lunch we drove
back into calgary and that night, Sunday night, we sang at the Downtown Full Gospel church and then drove and came here.
I felt like i was on street invaders. just totally spontaneous weekend. but it was amazing....just a huge blessing.

yeah so that was my weekend in a nut shell
----*whispers* help i'm in a nut shell..-------
yeah...classes are almost over, i have three papers to write and i'm done....
my mother leaves africa this week..that's odd but cool.....
so i'm going to go right now cuz i'm exhausted and got lots of homework....

i'm listening to country music....ahhhh....good'ol country.......
ciao