well....i don't quite know where to start.
i have the house completely by myself this weekend. both dear friends of mine are away and even the dog is gone. i very much so enjoy the solitude. the struggle is what i decide to do with my time...it is all to easy for me to spend all my time on the computer or watching tv or doing both (on most occasions) so i need to not do that since i recognize the habit.
one habit that i acquired during school last year was that my sunday's were my "sabbath" days. i forced myself to not touch my homework, not to do the things i "HAD" to do, but rather spend time with God, take a nap after lunch, play my guitar, do the things that i didn't have time to do during the week because of homework.
so tomorrow, sunday, i am going to do just that. i am not going to turn on the tv till AT LEAST the evening and i think that i am going to take my djembe and find a park and just relax. i think that i'm going to bring my guitar too. i miss playin' my guitar. i don't play it nearly enough...hmmm
this summer has gone by so fast....it's crazy how that happens eh? i mean...yea.....it's nuts.
as i am faced with the realization that i need to start buying things that i'll need for school i am noticing how much i need...and in the same breath how little money i have.
i only work three days this week...again....i am at the point where i've accepted that it's clear God wants me working where i am. that i am not going anywhere else. i've accepted it. the part that is becoming increasingly difficult is the fact that i am just BARELY making enough money to pay the things that NEED to be paid, let alone having anything extra to spend...now that i'm seeing things that will be needed for school in the fall i'm just hoping that it will be possible to get those and still afford to get to eston....
i wonder why trusting God is so hard for us....
i wonder why it's so easy for us to trust in our abilities.....
i know that one thing i've learned so far this summer is just the all consuming reality that EVERYTHING i have is from God. Every job i've had He alone has provided,
Every ability i hold to work at these jobs He has given to me,
Every once of work ethic that i have is directly from God and is not even CLOSE to my doing.....
He's obviously trying to nail this point home in my spirit.
I feel like my hands are tied, i'm stuck in something that i have no control of, i can't do anything about the situation that i'm in......for some who is claustrophobic (meaning me) that's an extremly horrible feeling.
i shouldn't feel like that. it's quite the opposite actually.
it is ONLY when i come under the control of God that i become free.
why is that so hard for us, for me, to grasp?
i get really nervous in situations like this. i mean it's obvious that God is either trying to get my attention or trying to show me something; or both.
i get afraid that i'm too thick headed and won't be able to "catch the drift"
that i will be unable to hear Him and His leading.
that i will all together miss the reason of why i'm where i am.
i long for a hearing heart.......
i am sick of living for "me"
i want to be relevant to my surroundings and be able to do what i'm here to do
i'm here on this earth to "be Jesus" to those around me...end of story.
my life is no longer my own, i have been crucified with Christ and the life i now live, i live for Christ alone.
i thank God for moments of clearity
those times where you just "get it"; you see your purpose, your role on this earth
not the details mind you, but the big picture, the reason
as christians we are part of the body of Christ
called to work as One, with different parts
as a church we are called to be Jesus on earth, to carry on the work of Christ.
can you imagine if the church saw that? the church as a whole?
individuals see it right now, different roles within this church see it, not the catholic "universal" church
there is so much power in that realization! i mean just THINK about it, dwell on it for a moment!
all other things just seem to fade in the wake of that reality.
all of the little things just seem so little....why would we focus on those?
why don't we have our focus on CHRIST! on heavenly things!
i am just as much to blame as everyone else out there...
i am constantly trying to keep my attention and focus on the Kingdom,
i am constantly getting side tracked,
constantly getting distracted and preoccupied....
but then God gives me those moments of clearity....
and i see......
i understand.....
and i try to correct my view....
i try to aline it once again to kingdom thinking
and i try to live my life according to kingdom values.
this blog has turned out to be extremly different than what i had expected it to be....hope ya'll didn't mind my rant....guess that's what happens when I finally turn the TV off that has been on all day and start to pay attention to my King who has been patiently waiting for my attention......when will i learn.....*sigh*
i have the house completely by myself this weekend. both dear friends of mine are away and even the dog is gone. i very much so enjoy the solitude. the struggle is what i decide to do with my time...it is all to easy for me to spend all my time on the computer or watching tv or doing both (on most occasions) so i need to not do that since i recognize the habit.
one habit that i acquired during school last year was that my sunday's were my "sabbath" days. i forced myself to not touch my homework, not to do the things i "HAD" to do, but rather spend time with God, take a nap after lunch, play my guitar, do the things that i didn't have time to do during the week because of homework.
so tomorrow, sunday, i am going to do just that. i am not going to turn on the tv till AT LEAST the evening and i think that i am going to take my djembe and find a park and just relax. i think that i'm going to bring my guitar too. i miss playin' my guitar. i don't play it nearly enough...hmmm
this summer has gone by so fast....it's crazy how that happens eh? i mean...yea.....it's nuts.
as i am faced with the realization that i need to start buying things that i'll need for school i am noticing how much i need...and in the same breath how little money i have.
i only work three days this week...again....i am at the point where i've accepted that it's clear God wants me working where i am. that i am not going anywhere else. i've accepted it. the part that is becoming increasingly difficult is the fact that i am just BARELY making enough money to pay the things that NEED to be paid, let alone having anything extra to spend...now that i'm seeing things that will be needed for school in the fall i'm just hoping that it will be possible to get those and still afford to get to eston....
i wonder why trusting God is so hard for us....
i wonder why it's so easy for us to trust in our abilities.....
i know that one thing i've learned so far this summer is just the all consuming reality that EVERYTHING i have is from God. Every job i've had He alone has provided,
Every ability i hold to work at these jobs He has given to me,
Every once of work ethic that i have is directly from God and is not even CLOSE to my doing.....
He's obviously trying to nail this point home in my spirit.
I feel like my hands are tied, i'm stuck in something that i have no control of, i can't do anything about the situation that i'm in......for some who is claustrophobic (meaning me) that's an extremly horrible feeling.
i shouldn't feel like that. it's quite the opposite actually.
it is ONLY when i come under the control of God that i become free.
why is that so hard for us, for me, to grasp?
i get really nervous in situations like this. i mean it's obvious that God is either trying to get my attention or trying to show me something; or both.
i get afraid that i'm too thick headed and won't be able to "catch the drift"
that i will be unable to hear Him and His leading.
that i will all together miss the reason of why i'm where i am.
i long for a hearing heart.......
i am sick of living for "me"
i want to be relevant to my surroundings and be able to do what i'm here to do
i'm here on this earth to "be Jesus" to those around me...end of story.
my life is no longer my own, i have been crucified with Christ and the life i now live, i live for Christ alone.
i thank God for moments of clearity
those times where you just "get it"; you see your purpose, your role on this earth
not the details mind you, but the big picture, the reason
as christians we are part of the body of Christ
called to work as One, with different parts
as a church we are called to be Jesus on earth, to carry on the work of Christ.
can you imagine if the church saw that? the church as a whole?
individuals see it right now, different roles within this church see it, not the catholic "universal" church
there is so much power in that realization! i mean just THINK about it, dwell on it for a moment!
all other things just seem to fade in the wake of that reality.
all of the little things just seem so little....why would we focus on those?
why don't we have our focus on CHRIST! on heavenly things!
i am just as much to blame as everyone else out there...
i am constantly trying to keep my attention and focus on the Kingdom,
i am constantly getting side tracked,
constantly getting distracted and preoccupied....
but then God gives me those moments of clearity....
and i see......
i understand.....
and i try to correct my view....
i try to aline it once again to kingdom thinking
and i try to live my life according to kingdom values.
this blog has turned out to be extremly different than what i had expected it to be....hope ya'll didn't mind my rant....guess that's what happens when I finally turn the TV off that has been on all day and start to pay attention to my King who has been patiently waiting for my attention......when will i learn.....*sigh*