Saturday, May 17, 2003

To be-rid of the separating giants
standing like fortresses of granit
forbiddng any passage through;
appearing so strong;
standing so thick;
The desire I hold to pass is too strong
to let small fortresses quench the journey.

....blah,blah,blah.......don't know where that was going........whatever.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

I laugh at how God works in my life.

So i had this job interview that I was excited for.

It was for this marketing company, dealing with people one on one, lots of money, room for advancing etc. It honestly sounded a bit too good to be true. I walked into the building, made it through their screening and then at the end of the presentation of the company I got hired. I should be happy right?

I phoned my mom to tell her how the interview went. She was a mother and expressed her worries. This was fine I've really come to appreciate her input in my life. As much as I get frustrated, or hurt, or depressed I've still come to a place where I appreciate her mothering. After our conversation I was left feeling.....deflated. My excitment was of being hired was no longer there. So I go to my room and just sit on my bed. I sat and thought about what my mother said and I really realized how I was feeling. I thought back to the interview and the time that I spent there.

I realized that since the moment I walked into that place, I had an uneasy feeling. Something wasn't sitting right. I don't think that it was anything about the corporation but just my part with it and God's plan for my summer. This job didn't fit. It took my phone call to my mother to realize that I felt that before I even spoke with her.

So that's what I mean when I say that I laugh at how God works in my life.

I hope that i continue to grow in my awareness of God. That I might continue to learn how to be sensitive to His spirit, that I might continue to learn how to alligne my heart, my life, my mind to His heartbeat. That I might be a living sacrifice.

Monday, May 12, 2003

believe it our not but i have tried to post a couple times now over this weekend, to no avail of course....ahh well....hopfully the computer won't mess up this time and hopefully it'll decide to accept what I am going to write....teehee.

Leif you asked what the "issue" was? It is simply this feeling that I have that is extremly intense that I am not supposed to be "here". I do not know what "here" is, might be this house, might be winnipeg, whatever it is I feel like there is a definate move that is supposed to happen. I feel like it might be to another city for the summer, i don't know what that looks like or what that means at all. I am simply trying to be patient, trying to be still before my God....I will continue to look for a job here in Winnipeg and until God either opens some doors, options or whatever, i'll just wait on Him. I trust his timeing completely.

I was reading through my journal today, well skimming it, just things that I had written over my 2nd semester at Bible School. Anyway, i thought that I would share some of it here on the blog.....i'll put in on right now.....
1 in the morning.....
In the atmosphereof another world I find things different, the air affects my lungs and I am able to breathe easier. Soon I forget what it was like before knowing this place, this incredable place.
It is only when I realize my emotions that I dare to look around. So involved in the beauty of simply being, I failed to conceive that there could be more. How? This is tickleing every sense that I have......what a place of splendor, of humble richness......

I can't remember where i was when i wrote it....ahh well......
This next one i'm going to put up here I wrote in the SUV that brought be back to Winnipeg when school was done this year....So it was in april sometime.......

The dawn woke me up this morning by squeezing in my window and dancing,
I squinted and grinned as I watched the show.
Sitting up I realized that I had the whole day sitting
right in front of me like a platter of freash fruit
just longing to be eaten.
This platter was starring at me daring me to make the most of it
I stood up and took on the dare!

What incredable beauty there is,
What deep joy,
that i can dance before my heavenly Father
as the sun danced for me,
I can offer my praise with the robin's in the trees.
What a gift that I can know the heart beat of my Heavenly Father.