Saturday, January 24, 2004

gentle, consistent, strong challenge.

God has been challenging me lately...this is not perticularly a bad thing, except that of course the "me" in me s it and is rebelling in whatever ways are nearest to me at the moment. Currently this is happening by my lack of disapline in the homework department.

God is asking a lot of me and I am fearful in attempting to give it to him.
I think it maybe because i am fearful of failing. I do not want to give God my everything and end up with certain types of responsibility and then screw up. The more you hang out in the presence of the Almighty God the more you see what a wretch you are, I know my nature. I am fearful that I won't be able to trust God, that I will try to do things on my own strength and then I'll screw up something, or someone, and be held accountable for those things that I do. I know I will be held accountable anyway, but least right now I would rather run from it than face it and screw up....(this was just a ramble of my thoughts....)

I need to go do homework...i'd really like to be in Winnipeg right now.
I wanna go to the zoo.

Found this picture on a Quizilla quiz....i really like it...sadly i wasn't this turn out i was "sorrowful" which i am

Friday, January 23, 2004

I don't even remember

I forget the feeling of going through a day awake.
I miss that. My eyes are rebelling again, causing all sorts of issues. I think they are just tired, or dry, or...lazy.....
either way they are irritating.

I have concluded that I have a favorite spot now in this school. This spot never used to be my favorite because it was small, narrow, really hard and uncomfortable, this year however i planned ahead and bought something that helps this issue. Now it has grown into the spot I never want to leave.
What is this spot you might be asking?

My bed.
I love my bed.
The beds here are single beds, very tiny and VERY hard. Last year it took me forever to get to sleep because of these beds. So I bought I foamy thingy and....Holy horse radish is it ever comfortable. I took a nap this morning (and I believe it is about time for my second nap....) and I just didn't want to get out of bed. It was lunch and I'm not fasting so I should be eating...I couldn't believe that I was going to decide to stay in my bed rather that eat food.
So all this afternoon I have been looking forward to getting back to my bed.
what a beautiful thing.

Pre 1985 video game character

yeah...I'm happy with this

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Kung Fu Master.I am Kung Fu Master.

I like to be in control of myself. I dislike crowds, especially crowds containing people trying to kill me. Even though I always win, I prefer to avoid fights if possible. What Video Game Character Are You?

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Glorious bliss.

It all started with a spinach salad drenched in bacon, mango's and a sweet tangy oil based sauce and on the side were little itty peices of lightly garliced bread. From there it moved into the main course: Salmon cooked to perfection wrapped with a thin pastry and covered with crab and holiday(sp?) sauce, garnished with fresh parsley. In addition there was rice, s and peapods stirfryed together, and bruselsprouts. To finish it off we added some smooth quatamalan coffee and prayer....what a fine evening.

Food really does feed the spirit as well as the body....I actually seafood and was really nervous when i discovered what would be eaten for supper. I did not want to be rude and not eat the main course..i mean come on...totally rude. So i decided that I would eat part of it if not all of it. Even if i did not like it.

It was probably the only time I have eaten salmon and liked it. (I even had seconds). My mom tried to get me to eat salmon once at this famliy gathering sort of thing and I remember not even being able to choke it down. I wonder why this was even had crab on and more i'm realizing that I really am a saskatchewan through and through. If were given the same old food for the rest of my life I'd eat it and probably wouldn't have TOO much of an issue....however...since I LOVE to cook I am discovering (and making myself) eat foods that I would not have every thought to eat: ie - salmon and crab.

This incredable supper was a precursor to a great evening.
You know..i want to go into all of the incredable things that God is doing here at the shcool, in my life, in the lives of my friends.....but my words are so inadequate, I have been trying and they just cannot capture the actual excitment of the Holy Spirit that is going on in this place.
There is something absolutley HUGE going on and this college, these specific students, these faculty memebers and the role of this college not only in this town but in it's ability to train people that change things globally! There is something massive happening, so much bigger than we are because God has got so many things planned that are so much bigger than we can ever imagine.

I have determined to do all I can to aide this work that God is doing here. Everything in my spirit is jumping and connecting to God on this. It is such a strange feeling. I don't know exactly what I need to do yet, but I'm willing, I'm trying to make myself available to my Creator.

Off to homework......

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

perspective - clarity

Of course the loss of ones close to you does something to the way you look at things and the way that you think about things. De.ath always puts things into perspective, brings clarity to our otherwise cluttered life. Now all I am saying is that my life is cluttered, of course i know nothing of your lives, but if you live in North America, chances are it's a tad cluttered....;)

This past week has been of course very slow, time has stood still. It has been a week of tears, laughter, anger, and thankfulness. This week God has been doing a lot in me. It has been a week of a lot of firsts in my life. I have lost people that i knew before so the whole greiving process was not new to me. However...this was the first time that in the middle of that sadness that goes so deep, in the middle of the anger that takes over your senses, I have felt the presence of God. I have felt His peace in the middle of it. I have felt his assurance that things are okay and that my friends were friends of God and are with him now. I have felt the uplifting treasure of Hope. This has been the first time that I have felt that. So in the middle of my intense emotion of missing my friends, I feel this Hope that is ONLY because of Jesus Christ and my relationship with him.

Along with all of this there has been the challenge that God has presented to me. That gentle conviction that only comes from the Lord of Life. Something has changed in my head and in my heart and i can't really explain it.
I am sick of not doing things because of fear.
I am sick of not stepping up in the roles that God has placed before me.
I am sick of letting the things going on in my life overwhelm me.
I am sick of not believing the things God says.
I am sick of being a sloth...(hahahaha)

I am feeling God's challenge in so many areas in my life. I am daring to believe that my prayers are heard and can change things in this school. I am daring to pray and fast and believe that God can move in powerful ways not only in this college but also in this town and our role in this town as students. He has mighty plans and I want SO MUCH to see His will being done in this school, in our relationships with one another, and in this town. I just have NO desire to waste the four months that are being given to us. I am praying that others in this place make the most of their time here with each other and the time we have been given to devote our lives to our creator in such a deep and significant way.

I really miss Nikki. I get hit with memories every so often throughout the day where I will see something or hear something that will make me think of her and I just get that absolutley ill feeling. I really ha.te it...I miss her so much.. I know I always will. I know life will go on...It is just hard to accept the fact that they are gone. It hurts so much to loose a close friend in such a seemingly random, sudden way.

But I know my God is good. I know he is in control and in that I take complete rest.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

God is great.
There is so much I want to say but I don't have the words yet. Maybe I'll just keep talking about how much I am enjoying these slurpees here in the winter. mmmmm.

The funerals for Nikki and Katie are tomorrow, I'm already dreading it. I hope I can make it through. It is going to be really tough, not that I am expecting it to be easy.

God is so good. I am think back to yesterday when I was so angry at this whole situation and angry that my friends were so far away and I can't be with them. Then God lets me know that I am surrounded by friends that I love so deeply and He lets me laugh. I have such a blessed evening last night just laughing with my friends... God is so good.

I am still not sleeping....*arg*.....very tired am I.....
i'm off to finish my slurpee....ciao.