Saturday, September 13, 2003

Friday, September 12, 2003


One thing that the Celtic Christian re-evangelization of continetial Europe did so incredably well was that they held and grasped the art of being incredably learned, scholarly people as well as being die hard fire breathing evangelists. The more and more you read on the lives of these men and women of God from the 4th - 8th century's A.D, the more you see this lived out and breathing through everything that they did.

I have this intense connection with that. I long so deeply to take the Gospel anywhere and everywhere, to show the love of Christ through my actions, my words, my love, my service and mostly my devotion and faith in Jesus Christ.
I want to see HIS kingdom on earth like it is in heaven.
I want to see lives committed to Jesus and then taught discipleship, and how to live the FAITH that is required.
....i want to see so much.....

On the flip side my heart is in colleges and universities. I can't even portray to you how anxious i am to futher my studies. I want to get my masters, my PH.D, in more than one thing. I want to learn and become well versed in that whole intellectual world of heart is totally in the universites, with the young sharp minds of today. I want to see those people come to know Christ and take Him into board rooms, overseas in buisness deals, as major corporation heads in well to do companies...there are so many places that these young minds of today will be in that most of us will never see. I want to see my generation of scholars come to know Christ in a wild, deep, passionate, and solid way so that when they go into these places they are unwavering in their faith and trust in the Almighty, the King of Kings who rules all heaven and earth, that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow and every tounge confess that He alone is LORD. He will come in power when they act in His name, He will be faithful to do deep works in the hearts of all who meet them, He will shower is grace and mercy on those who call His name, and He will cover His children with annointing and boldness to do and say the things that as children of the most High God, we should be saying already.

And to think that i only wanted to talk about the Celts and what they did so well.
God is doing so much in my heart......kay i need to go off about something again....hope ya'll don't mind.

Something that God has been doing in me for about two years now has been that He is just dumping on me this huge burden to speak French. That's how and where it started. Before i came to Bible school i just felt and heard so clearly that I was to be in Montreal. That just came out of the woodwork and blasted me because as much as i have always wanted to travel there, that was the extent of my intrest. I have heard it's a beautiful city. Then this intense burden hit that i was to BE i started looking into options, trying to get into contact with people, or pastors, or churchs or ANYTHING.

Two weeks later after this burden planted itself hard on my heart, i came to visit eston here (februray 2002) and that was when God told me to come here to FGBI. i was so confused for the longest time because i had heard so clearly about Montreal. I had no doubt i my mind that it was God who told me to go there, i was just confused why He decided to tell me when He did only to tell me to go to eston two weeks later...that's why i was confused. So i sort of put it out of my mind, thinking that eston was where i needed to be.
Last year when we were coming back from BC from our contact weekend, i was in the bus, all was quiet (everyone was half asleep) and out of the blue i just had this URGENT feeling that i just HAD to learn french RIGHT THAT SECOND. It was so urgent. Of course it got me thinking. It was the first time that i remembered the whole Montreal thing and feeling that i had felt earlier that year. So it was then that i was determined to start finding a way to pick up french. I just had to start doing something.

Now this year at school hits. So far this year has been marked by God stiring dreams in my heart, showing me again who i am in Him, making me step out in the boldness that i should be stepping out in, stepping out in confidence.
It's been a constant ride. A constant steady stir of the deep places of my heart.
A couple of days ago God stirred once again this whole "Need to learn french RIGHT NOW" thing. However he took it a step farther. Now not only do i realize and understand that i need to and want to speak french.....i want to live in Quebec. I want to do whatever i can to bring the presence of God to that place. I know it's there already but God is doing something so huge in that place. There is going to be an amazing and powerful revival in that province that will tear down the spiritual strongholds, give people such a deep life and joy that comes only from Jesus. This move is goingto be so deep and so significant and sweep across Canada. He has stirred my heart to the point of constant tears. It is safe to say that i have such a heart for Quebec, for the people, the body of Christ that is there.
I want to support them, serve them, work with them, and enourage them.
So i think i might try and get out there for the summer. Hook up with a church, find a job, and just do whatever it is God wants me to do. Obviously i can't say right now whether that'd work out...but i am certainly going to give it a shot. I trust that God will open and shut doors as i go........

whew....this sure became longer than i expected. I doubt many of You have gotten this far in reading and if you have i commend you! I know what it's like to run across a long blog and you don't have the time to really read it. So i bless you all who have read the blog this far......i think i am going to go back up to the top and put a warning on saying it's a long blog......


Wednesday, September 10, 2003

I've come to the conlcusion that God isn't going to give up on working on me.
I am somewhat happy about that but at the same time i'm.....wondering if i will
have the strength to endure all that He was to do in my life.

This year is already chalking up to be quite a journey, nay a pilgrimage of spirit.
God is asking me to walk a fine line of disapline and sacrifice in all areas of my life.
What a struggle!! lol
I am realizing just how strong our "human-ness" is. How everything in me is longing to
be INDEPENDANT of God...when everything that God is asking is regarding DEPENDANCE.
*whew*.......and so the war rages on.
This is why i wanted to run.....

I am so afraid of failing. Of doing a poor job. I have such a sick level of perfection
that i expect for myself in all areas of my life. I'm sure that that is one area that God is
going to tackle this year. well...what can i say God.....BRING IT ON!!! hahahahaha

So i am in the middle of my Celtic Christianity mini semster. Everything in my spriit LOVES what i'm taking.
My spirit litterally does gymnastics while i am reading my books, sitting in class, dwelling on's great
.....i love that feeling when your spirit just totally connects with something on such a y DEEP level.
It truley is an amazing thing.

So i think God is asking me to lead worship here......hahhahaa....yeah i haven't told who i'm supposed
to about that yet....too chicken. My whoe life i have been under the impression, and still am, that my voice
is just TOO low...people can't sing along with me. That is where my complete lack of confidence comes in
because i've always been so self concious of it. Funny thing is i used to lead worship here before i left for
winnipeg. So that's funny......well to me anyway. So yeah..i guess i'll keep you updated on that senario, whether
or not i tell John, so yeah.

i am so ovewhelmed with the amount of work i am expected to do for my class. I have to do an in class presentation
of an essay that is due on Oct.20th....but the presentation is in a week......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
i have two essays to write on two book we read for the class. (due this friday and next) plus i have daily assignments
reading to do.....I am in class from lunch till supper so i only have the mornings and the evening which doesn't end
up being very long because i need sleep and need to do home work. OI
but it's all good. I am still glad i'm taking that still rocks.....
i'm going to go now and listen to my jazz music and read.
man i love muisc....
like....can't even handle it.
(oh Jason!....i'll track yer email down and send you my'd be great to hear those tapes!)

Monday, September 08, 2003

so.....i came to a decision which is both wonderful and hard.
I am choosing not to partake in any sports this year at school.
For anyone who knows me you might understand why this is a
hard decision. I am very athletic and LOVE sports (especially
volleyball) and had such a wonderful time playing sports last year.

This descion is being made because i need to pray and fast for this town.
God is doing and has been doing some incredable stuff here but for some
reason it just feels so urgent. It's like He is going to explode in this place in ways
that will rock not only this community but all those around us. Lives in this town
will be changed eternally and steady hearts willl be raised up with an unwavering
devoting to Christ. it's just so huge....there are about 7 of us here at the bible school
that have this killer desire to see God move in this town and so that's really cool.

I mean after this summer (when God slammed me with this sudden burden for eston) to
come here and realize that there are more here with the same's just exciting ya
know!! I mean that right there just tells me that God is SPECIFICALLY and STRATIGECALLY
planning something for this year and it's huge and it's powerful and it's gunna knock
us to our faces before God as we realize who He is.

Anway...i could go on for ever but i won't. But that is why i am not playing sports. I was wanting
to go to practices but I am realizing that it might just be teasing myself if i go to practices. So i haven't
yet decided if i'm going to do it or not...we'll see....
if you guys out there want something to pray about pray for eston, for the lives here..for us students
here in this town that we would be bold in our service with the town, bold in our relationships, bold in
stepping out and stepping up to the mark. God is calling so many to move to that next stage of greater
personal disapline and sacrifce to God and That is what will make the difference.......

kay whoa......done now......i need to go....somewhere.....ciao!